Being an active listener is an essential leadership skill. It helps with our productivity, alignment, and understanding and builds better relationships with our team. It, more importantly, helps us avoid conflict and misunderstanding, which is always a good thing in any team!

It can be extremely hurtful to team members' motivation and satisfaction to feel as though your boss is only partially interested in your opinions and ideas or doesn't listen when you speak up 📣

Consider a time when you questioned whether the person you were speaking to was actually hearing what you were saying. It can feel like talking to a brick wall, and nobody likes that.

Becoming an Active Listener 🗝️

1. Pay Attention

First, when an employee asks you for a minute of your time, actively switch your attention to them. Turn off your screen, lay your phone face down, or put away whatever you have in your hands. That way, you are setting yourself up for success by eliminating distractions and signaling to your team member that they have your full attention. 

Our non-verbal cues speak very loudly when we are having a conversation with someone. So here are a few things you should think about

• Look directly at the speaker
• Let your distracting thoughts float away and focus again on your speaker
• Don't just be formulating a response in your mind while the speaker is speaking
• Pay attention to the speaker's body language and non-verbal cues

Sometimes we are in the middle of a task or know we can't provide our full attention. That is completely fine, but make sure you communicate that truthfully, schedule a later discussion, and follow through. 

For example, if someone asks you for ten minutes of your time then you could respond, "I need to finish this task right now but give me 30 minutes, and I am all yours".

That is always a better solution than having an unproductive conversation.

2. Show That You're Listening

Be mindful of what your own body language is saying to your speaker. You can encourage the speaker and show that you are engaged through your own non-verbal cues.

• Use an open posture to show that you are engaged and interested.
• Think about your facial expressions. Smiling and nodding is helpful to show engagement.
• Encourage your speaker by using small comments such as "mhm" and yes.

3. Give Reflective Feedback

Everyone has a personal filter through which we interpret the information we receive. The filter is made up of our assumptions, judgments, and beliefs and can sometimes distort what we hear. That's why aligning is essential while having the conversation.

• Summarize regularly the points your speaker is making.
• Actively reflect on the points made and paraphrase them to the speaker to ensure they understand how you receive the information. For example: "What I am hearing is..." or "Sounds like you are saying..."
• Ask them to go deeper into specific points. "Is this what you mean?" or "Can you explain more when you say..."

4. Don't judge

Wait until the speaker has said everything they have to say. It can be very frustrating for the speaker to be interrupted, and you do not get the whole picture of what they are trying to say.

• Give the speaker a chance to complete each point before you ask questions
• Don't interrupt with counterarguments.

5. Respond Appropriately

Active listening is meant to encourage understanding and respect. Its goal is to gain perspective and foster a productive communication culture. Criticizing the speaker or otherwise attacking them doesn't accomplish anything.

• Communicate your opinions respectfully.
• When you respond, be truthful, honest, and open. 
• Be mindful of the golden rule. Treat others the same way you would want to be treated.

Everyone can bring something to the table and a good habit of any leader that feels they have responded the wrong way or had a negative reaction is to apologize. 

Sometimes we are overwhelmed or distracted, and we see that we have not been actively listening when we walk away from a conversation. It is human. Then the best thing is to approach that person and say sorry for not being completely present in that conversation and if you could take a quick minute to go over it again. 

Don't beat yourself up about not being the perfect leader 100% of the time. The best leaders can acknowledge that they are human, communicate openly, and learn from it.